Home is where the barf is

So a relaxing day working from home?  This is what the last hour has looked like for me:

1.00 Decide to cook myself some spaghetti bolognese

1.05  Whist spaghetti is boiling, decide to put some laundry on

1.07  As I'm putting clothes into machine, suddenly the thought of dirty laundry makes me sick.  Very sick.  I get to the kitchen sink in time and heave up the only thing I've swallowed today: a glass of milk.  Not so bad, you think?  Well, turns out, milk mixed with stomach acid = large white lumps of cheese that I then have to poke down the sink with my finger.  My finger then smells of sick.  This makes me sick again.

1.10 Turn spaghetti off on gas hob and go and brush my teeth.

1.15 Finish making spaghetti.  Serve.

1.30 Phone rings.  It's an estate agent (speculatively calling).  I suddenly realise I need to get rid of them NOW.  I ask them to call back later.  I put spaghetti down.

1.32  Make it upstairs just in time to have spectacular diarrhoea. Mostly water, with strange yellow lumps that can only be sweetcorn.  I genuinely cannot remember the last time I have had sweetcorn.  I don't think I've had sweetcorn for at least a month.

1.37 Realise excessive diarrhoea is covering back wall of toilet and will need to be wiped down.  Wipe down with wet wipe.

1.38  This makes me sick again.  Brush teeth again.

1.45  Come back downstairs to spaghetti bolognese which is a) cold and b) has my cat's face buried up to his whiskers in it. 

8 weeks down.  Daren't think about how many more to go.