Symptomatic

Here are the list of joyful pregnancy symptoms I've had over the last few weeks:

• Snomiting (half sneeze, half vomit)
• Vomiting, sparked by anything from the smell of bleach, the thought of dirty laundry, seeing dog poo on the street, going into our bathroom when my husband has recently been to the toilet... and the thought of my own cat's bottom.
• A furry tummy that an adult gorilla would be proud of
• A moustache that Charlie Chaplin would be proud of
• Hairy toes that the Yeti would be proud of
• Diarrhea that strikes at a moment's notice
• Constipation that can keep me clogged up for five days at a time
• Piles.  Itchy, hurty piles.
• Exhaustion meaning I'm too tired even to finish this senten

I am nine weeks pregnant.  The pessimist in me thinks things are unlikely to get better once I'm the size of a pantomime horse and trying to navigate the Jubilee Line during the Olympics.