Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Online and on edge

I find the pregnancy forums a mixed bag.  On one hand, it’s an absolutely lifesaver to be able to turn my laptop on, ask a question about a strange symptom and have reassurance from others in the same situation within minutes.  Everyone is very kind and supportive to each other, and on the particular forum I visit, there doesn’t seem to be too much scaremongering (“Oh, you ate a piece of brie?  You’ve probably killed your baby.  I’d go to A&E to be on the safe side.”)  On the other hand, it’s a bit... odd.
First of all, there’s the lingo to get to grips with.  No-one talks about their husband, their partner, their children, it’s all DH, DS, DD (which apparently stand for Dear Husband, Dear Son, Dear Daughter – vom).  People wish each other happy V-Day, which is apparently the date the baby turns “viable” at about 24 weeks (vom).  There is MS (Morning Sickness, not Multiple Sclerosis), BFP (Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test – vom) and pregnancies are universally referred to as “bumps”, “bubs”, “bubba”, in short, vom, vom, vom.
Everyone calls each other “hun”.  “Don’t worry hun!”, “You’ll be fine, hun”.  Kindly meant, I’m sure, but seriously?  Vom, vom, vom, vom, vom.
My least favourite of all expressions is reserved for talking about the gender of the unborn baby.  Apparently you are either Team Pink, Team Blue, or if you choose not to know, Team Green. 
Now this may be a personal pet hate, but I cannot stand the way babies’ genders are assigned colours, which is the first step in discrimination and differentiation they’ll face throughout their lives.  This excellent blog http://twocoloursinmyhead.wordpress.com/ says it better than I can.  But seriously?  An unborn blank canvas is already being painted either blue or pink based on its genitals.
People decorate their nurseries in pinks or blues, buy buggies in these colours, clothing, the whole lot.  It makes me a little bit nauseous.
In short, for someone who’s still suffering from MS (Morning Sickness, not Multiple Sclerosis), looking at the forums is pretty much the fastest way to make myself vomit.
I did suggest we renamed to “Team Penis” or “Team Vagina”, but I think the other forumites think I’m a bit strange.  They might be right.

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