Saturday, 14 January 2012

Things to worry about

This week has been really tough.  Here are the things I've been worrying about:

  • Stomach cramps - a lot like period pains but sometimes easing off and sometimes becoming moderately severe - severe enough that I'd normally have reached for the painkillers
  • The fact that I had three negative pregnancy tests in a row before I got a positive result (but well after my period was due) - does this mean there's something wrong with my horomone levels or the baby?
  • The fact that I've had no morning sickness, food aversions, cravings or feel any different at all, other than slightly tender boobs and stomach cramping
  • The fact that I watched One Born Every Minute, and spent the next two hours crying, not at the miracle of childbirth (fuck that), but at the fact that a massive fucking watermelon has to emerge from my body somehow and I'm supposed to facilitate that.  My husband has banned all future viewings of One Born Every Minute and has "un-series linked" it from the Sky+ box.
  • The fact that I also cried at the Winalot TV advert.  This is not normal.  But the beagle's ears were so cute and floppy, and the old lady's dog was her best friend!  (Blub, blub.)
  • I then worry that I'm actually going to spend the rest of my life worrying - if all is well with the pregnancy, I've then got to be responsible for another human being for the rest of my life.  Chilling.
So, how am I dealing with it?  As a firm believer of "one step at a time", I'm trying to focus on the pregnancy itself.  I totally swing from "I'm sure everything's fine," and reassure myself on pregnancy forums that other people too are having stomach cramps / no symptoms / low HCG levels.  Then I read other forums where stomach cramps / no symptoms / low HCG levels are a sure sign of miscarriage. 

So I decided, to stop myself worrying (or at least contain it a little), I'm going to book myself in for an early private scan near where I work.  At 7 weeks, I hope we should be able to see the heartbeat if all is well.  And if all isn't well, I'd much rather know now than in a month's time when my NHS scan is due.

We get the scan on Tuesday.  Wish me luck.


  1. Hi Kate. I'm new to the Mumsnet bloggers network and am spending some time getting to know and reading about the other bloggers out there. Your profile struck a chord with me as I think my husband and I felt exactly the same way about parenthood when we made the decision to try for a baby - best not leave it too late. We haven't regretted it, although I have to say your post dated 14th January (incidentally my birthday!) was very interesting. I too remember having the same fears and concerns and I think there would be something wrong if you didn't have those feelings. I remember getting into a state if I didn't feel my baby kick for a day! Unfortunately, I must tell you that the worries don't stop when the baby comes along. As mothers it is in our job description to find something to worry about! However, the joy they bring far outweighs the negatives. Look forward to reading about your progress.

    1. Hi Claire

      Good to hear from you - and I fully expect to spend at least the next 30 years worrying... a truly scary thought!

      K x